Sweet Sweet Beer has Little to do With Your Low Standards

27 04 2009

“I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you. ”  -Ron Burgundy 

There is no doubt that there is a positive correlation between warm weather and binge drinking.  If you don’t believe me take a trip to Hobart Ln. in Amherst on a Friday night in May and you’ll get the picture.  The weather this past weekend was gorgeous and I was able to do some behavioral research with my good friend bud light.  While standing outside at a party …rather a palooza… (“jungle juice” Monster energy drinks, hot dogs, live band, and a dunk tank)  I observed UMass students at their finest.  Crazed shirtless male undergrads in hot pursuit of “DAT ASS” Girls shamelessly flaunting what 4 years of keg parties had given them; cottage cheese thighs and a lack of morality.  As I stood there, drinking away my inhibitions, I wondered what the next morning would look like for these brazen co-eds.   I imagined girls awkwardly searching for their purses and wondering if they were wearing a bra the day before…guys lying in bed thinking up excuses to get out of whatever dorm room they ended up in.  

Maybe some of them would meet their soul mates that day, but I would have to bet that the majority will wish that they had higher standards and for the rest of their college careers be on the look out for the mutant they felt up back in 09′ thanks to Jim Beam and a record setting keg stand.  

But, I digress.  The real story here is about an article I read on Time.com called “Does Beer Goggling Affect Whom We Find Attractive?” http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1893671,00.html  

Turns out, not really. Ah Shit, there goes your excuse for that romp you and Susie nine chins had Freshman year.  

summer-07-034The study showed that men- drunk or not-have a natural attraction towards youthful facial features.  


 Recently, a pair of research psychologists — Vincent Egan of the University of Leicester and Giray Cordan of the University of Exeter — completed a survey of 240 subjects, half of whom had been drinking, to find out how drinkers and non-drinkers experience attraction. What they found was interesting, if a bit creepy. 

The creepy part has to do with how all people, not just drinkers, rate the attractiveness of minors. Researchers have known for years that adults have a deep appreciation for neoteny, the retention of juvenile features like large eyes and baby-smooth skin in adults. Our fondness for neoteny is both obvious — most people find other people with youthful features to be attractive — and unsettling. Appreciating neotenous features isn’t the same as being sexually attracted to children, but at least one study has found that average, college-age heterosexual males and child molesters share remarkably similar (and deeply neotenous) attractions: high cheekbones, unwrinkled eyes, glabrous skin.

So what does this mean?  Welp, basically it is officially okay to ridicule your friends for their… interesting… drunken selections. 

Don’t make beer your scapegoat anymore, it just wants to be your friend.




9 responses

27 04 2009

You know I read that article. I think its a flawed study. They had to photoshop the 17 year olds (for legal reasons) to make them look 15. And, there was no difference between drunk/sober, they BOTH chose the 15 aged group.

I think the study would need to show if drunkenness would compel one to ‘settle for less’ over ‘settle for nothing’. I think the instinct that this is the case is correct. Science got nothin’ on me, brah.

PS You have a blog? Wtf?

28 04 2009

Yeah, you might be onto something Jaquith… And i’ve seen many a drunk settle for less.

and yes…it’s for one of my journalism classes, but I have grown to enjoy it.

28 04 2009

Solid post.

Though, I do disagree. I mean, I should probably read the article but I’d rather give an uneducated and opinonated response. Speaking from experience, there are certainly girls (note the plural) that I have fooled around with while intoxicated and then had an opportunity to fool around with sober but didn’t due to my BLATANT lack of standards while inebriated.

And why are high cheekbones an exclusive trait of children? Face structures develop as we get older. Think of the awkward looking girl with glasses in the 5th grade who is now a babe. We all know one.

Not sure if that makes any sense. But I, along with many of my peers suffer from beer goggles on a weekly basis.

BTW i like the way you write.

28 04 2009

Well, the article sort of runs off topic. . . In doing their research they discovered this about men. I don’t necessarily understand the psychology behind it.

I appreciate the honesty though. At least you know your habits while intoxicated and you can better prepare yourself for future coyote ugly attacks.

Maybe carry a paper bag around with you next time.

29 04 2009

My proudest moment yet as a teacher: “it’s for one of my journalism classes, but I have grown to enjoy it.”

OK, maybe not. But it is good to see you blogging — and liking it, Sarah. You seem to have found your blog voice, which makes reading it a lot of fun. I hope you elect to continue blogging after the class is over. I know I’d keep reading.

29 04 2009

I am drunk now and I think I just made a pass at WordPress. I was rejected and settled for Friendster. Is that so wrong?


29 04 2009

No Shabe, giving yourself to friendster can never be wrong, if the lovin’s true.

30 04 2009

I found this documentary on the subject:

18 09 2010
Giray Cordan

just to say that our findings showed a marked increase in ratings of attractiveness for sexually mature females with makeup, as rated by persons who had drunk alcohol. so the beer goggles effect is specific – not found in either sexually immature females with or without makeup, nor in sexually mature females without makeup.

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